My Blog

Ill-be-missing-you(Yeah… this right hear… goes out to everyone who has lost someone they
truly love)

Seems like yesterday we used to rock the show
I laced the track, you locked the flow
So far from hangin on the block for dough
Notorious, they got to know that
Life ain’t always what it seem to be (uh-uh)
Words can’t express what you mean to me
Even though you’re gone, we still a team
Through your family, I’ll fulfill your dreams (that’s right)
In the future, can’t wait to see
If you open up the gates for me
Reminisce some time, the night they took my friend (uh-huh)
Try to black it out, but it plays again
When it’s real, feelings hard to conceal
Can’t imagine all the pain I feel
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living your life, after death

Every step I take, every move I make
Every single day, every time I pray
I’ll be missing you
Thinkin of the day, when you went away
What a life to take, what a bond to break
I’ll be missing you

It’s kinda hard with you not around (yeah)
Know you in heaven smilin down (eheh)
Watchin us while we pray for you
Every day we pray for you
Til the day we meet again
In my heart is where I’ll keep you friend
Memories give me the strength I need (uh-huh) to proceed
Strength I need to believe
My thoughts Big I just can’t define (can’t define)
Wish I could turn back the hands of time
Us in the 6, shop for new clothes and kicks
You and me taking flicks
Makin hits, stages they receive you on
I still can’t believe you’re gone (can’t believe you’re gone)
Give anything to hear half your breath (half your breath)
I know you still living you’re life, after death

Faith Evans:
Somebody tell me why
On that morning
When this life is over
I know
I’ll see your face
Every night I pray, every step I take
[Puff] Every day that passes
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] Is a day that I get closer
[Puff] To seeing you again
Every night I pray, every step I take
[Puff] We miss you Big… and we won’t stop
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] Cause we can’t stop… that’s right
Every night I pray, every step I take
Every move I make, every single day
[Puff] We miss you Big

fateful incident of April the 27th….i lost a Gd fren on that day n till this day i still miss her n wish there cld have been someway i cld have prevented it…..all my frens who went through that dark period i believe wish they cld have prevented it from happening but i guess god’s agenda is other wise n it was her time…or was it?……………

loss of someone dear to one is always difficult to go through and at the age of 15 it Wes my first time experiencing the lost of a friend  ………well there are somethings in life where initially it may seem impossible to overcome like the feeling of grieve and i muz say that i will neva get over the loss of this beautiful gal but the intensity wld surely decrease after sometime and its not a bad thing but it juz goes to prove that time can heal all wounds………….but the regret will be alwys there……

some three yrs ago on the same day that my frend passed on something else happened……i received a proposal which i waited for very very patiently through many many tough n rough times…but then again i wished it neva happened coz when the proposal fell through …….it was really hard on me…….it took me long to recover from it  n i won say im totally recovered n it surely is something i will neva recover from but the intensity is surely down sizably……..well its ridiculous for a person to hold on to their past as it will affect u’re present….n i learnt that too the hard way…………

the 27th of april……is one day which i go pass like as if its friday the 13th in fear that something bad awaits me ……stupid thinking thaa but wat to do………..

"A perverse man stirs up dissension, and a gossip separates close friends”

why do ppl tok nonsense abt others behind their backs…..have they eva given a tot to how that person might feel if they get the news??…personally i hate hearing ppl telling me ‘eh i heard this n that  abt u’………n if u think gals are the queens of it all u are so sooooo wrong…men are the king of this whole gossip trade……gossips break relationships n ppl’s esteem……..

othello is a classic story of gossip gone too far……..he eventually kills his wife whom he loved so dear coz he the gossip broke his esteem n he juz could not trust his own judgement….one can say u muz have trust in u;re own partner if u have trust then u can get over such gossips….but then again how much can a person absorb….everyone has a breaking pt…….

so to all my close ones who hear stuff abt me believe in them totally……..u cld choose to differ but wat eva it is if its something that affects u ….u will know the truth in time to come…..but somethings……juz cant be proven in anyways…..so if u cant handle it then…………..i dun wan to be in desdemona’s shoes………

its been juz abt a yr since the whole spiritual saga me priya mara n durga went through…….*sigh*…….i thank god i had such support arnd me….or not i cant imagine wat wld have become of me…….

well i was expecting amma to come down this yr n perform for her with my dance class but dunno wat happen…no news yet….so sad……..

i haven been going temple on thus for 3 weeks already….my music n all has been keeping my hands too full……but this thus i’ll somehow try to drop by temple b4 rehearsal….this sat it’ll all be over……good riddance!!!!sheesh……though i will miss the orchestra ppl n our routine kopi kadai n pool outting……..

which is why music n dance is so close to my heart….many ppl asked me…exams so near by u still take up so much of commitments….hopw not too?…….this is something that is with me through all my dark times……my avenue of diversion n my better half……..

well i cant wait for exmas to be over n to plunge into my music n dance practices…i’ll be performing for something called ballet under the stars….i’ve been for it once n usually its all ballet but this tiem they wan some ethnic dances also so….ya…..i’ll be dancing….i think it shld be quite fun hee hee he…….it always is…

yesterday akka was having a chat with us abt all she had to go through to conceive n give birth to kethar…….once incident she said was on a sunday morning….b4 coming for dance class well she has to put 2 jabs in the morn n 2 in the evening coz it was conceiving through other means….the jab her husband puts for her coz it has to be done slowly as the fluid is oil based n injecting quickly will cause the skin to rupture…..

that day her husband was at kl….n she had no one to put the jab for her…..she told him its ok n she will go to a clinic to put the jab but u know wat the husband did??….he drove all the way down from kl juz to put the jab for her…..drove through the nite…n reached home at 4 am…….

she said for such means of conceiving one needs the support of her husband…

i think through any pregnancy a woman needs her husbands support….i surely will……n i hope i get someone who will be so supportive…

sadly there are some men who won follow their wives for their med appmts…..spend quality time with the wives or even tend to the wives after having had given birth….

i heard from a fren that the husband who seemed like the dream man to get married to after her child birth changed….his reasoning is my mother give birth to so many n still neva complain all but u one already giving so much of complains……n thsi woman was going through post natal depression…..

how insensitive ….but thank god she was a strong willed lady n managed to get through it all………..

but i know for a fact that not all men are like tat…..n u cant blame em for having been brought up with such views……but gals pls do casually ask u’re bf’s or fiance’s how they’d react if u went through bad pregnancy or post natal….it’ll say alot abt if u shld really be with em or not…………

mummy n i luv this song……..i can really relate to it……

You took me higher than I’ve ever been
Now that we’re strangers, I’ve come down again
Back to the real world, back to the real world
Back to the ground
Not high above it, up where the love is
Now I’m earthbound

Because we usedto say that we were far away
Because our love, it took us to another place
And it’s so hard for me to face

But if you really have to go
You take the high, I’ll take the low
But when you leave me don’t you know
You leave me earthbound
If you really have to go
You take the high, I’ll take the low
But when you leave me don’t you know
You leave me earthbound

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i woke up today with a new burst of energy…..with one tot which is today will be a better day n is a new day……wat eva the obstacles i’ll get over it……i juz have to keep telling myself….stop being so emotional….n juz go with the flow…..n i once again muz thank god for giving me such wonderful frens who are my pillar of strength……wat wld i do without u priya…..at the confusion i was in yesterday u were my god ……… i know i tend to become a bit psycho when im emotional but i m n i have to gain back my composure….or not i’d prolly scare ppl away…….so wat if i neva get things that i really want in my life…..i still have my life n great frens like u babe(priya) which i neva asked for……..we’ve had our ups n down ….times where i tot lets juz move away but for some reason i know u are my god sent angel as much as im u’res n someday when i get married u will be my bridesmaid or ponnu thozhi vokey…i chope now it self….!!! luv u babe!!

"You may thnk you love someone when you feel that you need them to bring happiness to you for the rest of your life. But you never truly love someone unless you feel you’ll do whatever you have to to give them eternal happiness - even if it means letting. them go."
Submitted by Christin Zalewski

im sick once again…..!went to the doc n got medcines which are very very storng….so much so that my hands are trembling n i have to speak slower n i din realise it till i was halfway through my journey to someone’s place…luck for me i manages to catch a short nap which helped like abit la…not much…..i went for a lung x-ray…all is clear but i might have asthma…..dam! i need my cough to go away…..i cant sing if it does not…..pls god….dun do this to me…i have stopped all cold drinks n food bad for throat almost 95%..u know its torturous to not drink ice water after dance class…..very torturous

i compiled a folder of special song sinto my mp3 player…..n its really neat….i mean those are really nostalagic songs but brings a smile upon my face…..it tells me ‘babe if u cld go through tat shit everything else is peanuts!’

k im trembling too much to type so nites……

this is an old fav of mine……heard it juz after a long time n seem to be able to relate to it for some reason……

If I should stay
I would only be in your way
So I’ll go, but I know
I’ll think of you ev’ry step of the way
And I will always love you
I will always love you
You
My darling, ooh

Bittersweet memories
That is all I’m taking with me
So goodbye–please don’t cry
We both know I’m not what you, you need

And I will always love you
I will always love you

I hope life treats you kind
And I hope you have all you’ve dreamed of
And I wish you joy and happiness
But, above all this, I wish you love

And I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I will always love you
I, I will always love you

You
Darling, I love you
Ooh, I’ll always
I will always love you

hmm……..

‘like how medicine heals the body, music heals the soul’

this is a song in bindhu malini raagam composed many thousands of years ago by thyagaraja

                                     
Enta muddO? Enta sugasO?

Evarilla varNimpa tagunE?

Enta vAralaina gAni

kAntacintAkrAntulai nAru

atta mIda kanu lAsaku dAsulai

satta bhAgavata vEsu lairi

dutta pAla ruci dEliyu sAmyamE

dhurINuDau tyAgarAjanutuDu

Meaning:

What beauty! What grandeur! Who has the capability to describe?

Whoever it may be, all men are ever sunk in lustful thoughts!

Putting on the garb of a Bhagavata they still lust after their mothers in law. This is like the ladle in a vessel knowing the taste of milk. O object of the detached Tyagaraja’s worship (what beauty!)

Note:

Tyagaraja, according to CR Srinivasa Iyengar refers to a neighbouring Bhagavata who was having an incestuous relationship with his own mother in law, in this song. However it may simply be an observation of goings on around him, when men of advanced age married young girls and thereby acquired mothers in law who were of their own age.

Tyagaraja who mainly writes songs on his devotion to god has written such rare songs of daily happening arnd him which he is strongly against……i cried listening to this song coz its such a fantastic melody go to this link n hope u will enjoy the song as much as me…...(http://www.musicindiaonline.com/ and search for enthamuddo n choose the version sung by bombay jayashree…in case u r wondering who is she….she is the one who sand vaseegara n suttum vizhi)

wt wld i do if there were no music…..?music is my best fren ….always there to congratulate n applaud my highs and also embrace n lend a shoulder at the rock bottoms…..thank u god for allowing music to be part of all out lives…..without which the world wld have stop going in rounds …….

friday nite was a very restless nite….for some reason i juz cld not sleep well. i tossed n tossed n finally at abt 6ish i fell asleep but at 7 plus i was awaken by an sms……read it n my sleep juz vanished……my gd fren theeba’s mum had passed away ….a natural death but nevertheless very shocking for everyone coz she is not old nor facing any health problem…..

me n my frens rushed down to her place  n i tell u its the fastest i have eva traveled from yishun to telok blangah…..!i juz wanted to be there with her n make sure she knows she has us with her…..

but seeing her n hearing her tok had made me realize how much to an advantage we take our parents presence….juz 2 days b4 i had a rough experience n this incident juz made me think why do we always hurt the ppl whom we love the most n who loves us the most like our parents…..?

life is really short n so live it to the fullest……i have told myself that i muz make it a point to regularly call home n tok to mum/dad or call mum/dad at werk place n juz chit chat……

well……this weekend is gonna be a gd weekend coz its gonna be my last club outting till oct 28………so im gonna enjoy to the fullest n since im gonna have durga n priya with me fun is guaranteed!!! i juz cant wait for fri n especially sat……im gonna be dead broke though….dam i dunno how im gonna get through the rest of the month man…….argh!…….

Its mid day…..had tuition in the morning but the first thing i woke up i had back ache and my arms hurt i dunno why…i think its time to change my mattress……giving me the morning stiffness which sadly lasts the whole day………

so went for tuition n came back home…..did some werk n juz r n r rite now…..juz need some idle time to myself where i dun think abt anything n juz slack………might go northpoint later for coffee n do some reflection….luv doing tat actually…..

*yawnz*…think im gonna catch a nap …maybe an ice cream too…lol ya i think tat sounds GREAT! hmm…yup..!!!